December 26, 2015

by kylewierks

I’ve made a huge mistake. At least now I understand the lyrics of my least favourite Christmas song of all time: “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart/But the very next day, you gave it away”. Yes, my heart was broken on Christmas. And it is the fault of this Lola.

When I gave Lola the details of my devious plot to impersonate Santa Claus and sneak into people’s homes stealing their most prized possessions and thereby funding my plan for world domination, I thought that she would be impressed by my sheer genius (and not realize that I was copying the plot of a beloved Christmas tale). But alas and alack, her awe was feigned in order to steal my plans. Yes, Lola sabotaged my plan and tried to steal Christmas by herself.

I realized what was happening when I woke up Christmas Eve to find that all of the elves I had kidnapped had disappeared. Not only that, every bit of equipment I had gathered in preparation for my great heist was gone! The only thing that conniving temptress left me were the eight, fake reindeer from Walmart. Why couldn’t she at least have taken the reindeer?

I woke up Christmas morning to find that Lola was in the news. Not only had she stolen my plans and supplies, but she pulled it off beautifully! All the news networks are saying that the newest, evil mastermind in the world is Lola. It should have been me!